American Idol And What Is Truly Irrelevant To Music

Well folks you got the matchup you have been dreaming of. What am I talking of? Kobe vs LeBron? Crosby vs Ovechkin? Limbaugh vs Olbermann? No, none of these minor ones, I am talking about titanic matchup of the century. Adam vs Kris in the final of American Idol this week!
Isn’t that what you, America wanted. Ryan Seacrest makes it seem that all of humanity has been sitting on the edge of their couches waiting for these two titans of music to make it to the finals. I mean could 86 million voters be wrong? You heard me right, 86 million votes were supposedly cast to put these titans of the music world into the finals, at least that’s Ryan told us at the start of the show last week and you know what I say to that, Bullshit. Look they need to pump up the image of American Idol as the all encompassing-end all of the music industry to keep this cash cow going for Fox and 19 Entertainment but 86 million voters, again Bullshit. Look according to Neilson ratings last week an estimated 23 million people watched American Idol (based on about 5000 people who were asked what they watched last week) and if these estimated 23 million people that watched it actually picked up the phone and dialed the number to vote (for me that’s too exhausting) each person would have had to vote around 3.6 times. I personally don’t care if 86 million people voted once or 86 people voted 1,000,000 times it doesn’t matter. This show is a reality show, nothing more. The winner of this show will have as much to do with the future innovation of the musical landscape as the winner of the Bachelor or The Biggest Loser.

They make the American Idol season to be the event of the year. To me, it is a waste of two hours of my life each week. Your saying to yourself, “but Bear if you don’t like it, why are you watching it?” Simple because I am married. Mrs. Bear likes to watch it and as every married guy who is reading this understands the word “compromise”. She watches American Idol and I get to control the other 19 hours of primetime TV in our house, though sometimes I wish it was the other way around when I have to listen to some of these so called singers. When I sit there and watch it, I feel like I am in one of those Hulu commercials where Dennis Leary or Alec Baldwin are waiting for my brain to turn into soup. I figure I lose as many brain cells watching an hour of American Idol as I do a heavy night of drinking.

Why is this show such a sham to me you ask. Look how it starts each and every season. If this was just a singing contest as they keep telling us, we would not be deluged with the William Hungs of the world and the other train wrecks they put on and on and on during the so called auditions. Why do we see these sad people week after week? Ratings of course. We like to see people make complete fools out of themselves and you know what the sad part of it all is? If these people don’t really know how bad they are, it makes for better TV and the American public eats it up. Nothing is better for ratings than human suffering. If this was truly a singing contest don’t you think out of the thousands that tryout we would see more talent coming on that stage than we do. Look if my theory about watching these train wrecks doesn’t compute into ratings then how is Paula able to keep her job? Remember when she critiqued one of the singers a couple of seasons back on their two songs when they hadn’t even done their 2nd song yet. Priceless television! You can almost see week to week the adjustments of the meds.
Oh I know I am going to be overwhelmed with emails from some of my readers but come on folks, wake up! What has this show given us after 8 seasons? What is the total now, 4 of the past winners still have their recording contracts. Four. That’s it. Four total winners have not been dropped by their labels. I thought Ryan told us each and every season that these “artists” were the best in the country if not the world. Each and every week Randy or Paula tell us one these people are going to be huge stars and since this seems to be said at least once to each and every contestant during the season, where are the 80 superstars this show promised us over the past 8 seasons? (Okay lets make it 79, I can’t seriously put Sanjaya in there)

Eighty people have made the Top 10 over the past eight seasons. How many have made a real contribution to music as a whole. Two, three, four, maybe five. I am talking about having the career that Ryan and the judges keep telling us they are going to have after they leave the show. Off the top of my head, Kelly Clarkson has had a good pop career. Carrie Underwood certainly is having a great career in country music even though if you didn’t forget the whole time she was on the show Simon couldn’t stand it when she sang anything even close to country. The book is still out on Jennifer Hudson since her first album just came out even with an Academy Award to her credit. Chris Daughtry left the show in third place and started his band and has carved out a pretty good career in a short time. But who else has left an imprint of any kind in music? Clay Aiken had a short run but nothing your gonna remember in 10 years. Anyone else? Fantasia? Ruben? Taylor Hicks?....No, no and really no.

Each and every year we hear how these unknowns like Bo Bice, Blake Lewis, Tamara Grey, Melinda Doolittle, Justin Guarini, Carly Smithson and so many others are the next big thing. Bought any of their albums lately? People were outraged when these singers were eliminated. I guess your outrage only carries you so far. Can you fans of this show even name all of the winners let alone the runner-ups?

If we are going to use the criteria of American Idol to produce our next music icons, how do you think our past icons would have done on the show?

Imagine an unknown Robert Plant doing Immigrant Song.

Randy: I don’t know dog. When I was producing Marah I told her not to be so pitchy on the high notes and I think you were pitchy in spots but overall it was just ahright.

Paula: First let me tell you your hair is beautiful and I love your outfit.

Simon: I didn’t get it, it seemed like bad karaoke. What was the whole “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhha” Maybe if your got rid of the band it might work and please button up your shirt, Ryan is getting excited.

How about an unknown Neil Young doing Cinnamon Girl.

Randy: Dog you know you’re my dog don’t cha but I don’t know. I didn’t really like the arrangement, it’s like you didn’t make it your own. When I was working with Whitney….

Paula: I really love your outfit. You make flannel shirts work for you.

Simon: It was gastly. It was like you sang it thru your nose. Maybe you should team up with three other guys and try to harmonize.

And of course the unknown Bob Dylan doing Like A Rolling Stone.

Randy: Listen up dog. I liked the whole guitar, harmonica folky groove that you had going but you were all over the place with your vocals. It just didn’t do it for me. You should have done it like I did when I was in Chic.

Paula: First let me tell you, you look lovely tonight. I love the basic black look on you and I think the sunglasses pull the whole outfit together.

Simon: I didn’t understand a word you said. I don’t think you will be back next week. Your never going to have a career singing like that.

Okay I know there is a fourth judge this year but she was just brought in to phase out Paula but they quickly realized what a gem they really have in Paula. To me they could get rid of Randy and just let Paula ramble for twice as long.

You know what I have a problem with and what prompted this story. Being told countless times these past few weeks on every talk show, television news show, and it seems every magazine at the store on how Adam Lambert and Kris Allen (well really Adam, Kris is usually thrown in as an afterthought) are going to take over the music scene. How Adam is the greatest singer since well…….thinking about it I don’t think they feel there has ever been a greater singer than Adam. They compare him to Elvis Presley, Robert Plant, Stephen Tyler, Freddie Mercury and almost any other rock icon they can dredge up in their ravings but com’n folks It’s like this each and every season. The public every season is convinced that the new messiah of music is born on American Idol. (how can we forget that be-bopping Blake Lewis in Season 6 that was going to turn the music world on its ear) Remember what we were taught on Sundays about worshipping false idols.

People as I said earlier, wake up. The winner of this “reality show” is not going to fix our economy, cure the common cold, end global warming or even be someone we are talking about in a year let alone inducting in the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame in 25 years. The only time they will enter the Rock Hall is when they buy a ticket. They did their jobs already. They gave you something to watch on television over the past 12 weeks so your mind didn’t have to actually think for those 2-3 hours it was on. That’s all it was meant to do, if not why did we have to sit thru those groups songs each week.

So if your favorite doesn’t win this week, don’t fret you can always see him in Idols On Tour this summer at the large arenas and next year you can catch him on the county fair circuit before seeing him in the drive through asking if you would like to supersize your order.

Nuff said, least till next week
Peace Out
Bear